Wormy Wednesday
A week ago I received my 1 lb of red wigglers so my worm bin set up was complete. I had a LOT in the fridge to clean out but I wasn’t sure where to store it until they would need more food so I ended up throwing it out into the big compost outside. But I saved some wilty celery and soggy lettuce to chop up to put into the worm bin, along with some pretty dehydrated blueberries. I put a scoop of food in 3 of the corners and really wondered if it may have been too much. I’ve left the worms to do their work and decided I’d check on them & update on Wednesdays.
I was so amazed at how much they had eaten! The food mounds in the corners was significantly lower so I mashed up the really over ripe bananas that were blackening in the fridge into a mush (peels and all!) and put that in the corners. I’ll check on the banana mush next week. Here are some pictures of my little wormy friends at work!
People Watching
A post from last week I forgot to publish:
I’m stuck at a tire repair place getting new tires for Sassy Soul. The flat tire on the way to visit my mother in law yesterday didn’t help my mood.
Depression really sucks.
I am feeling better today. I’m enjoying people watching. The guy who let the door shut in my face has an annoying ringtone. He’s also the oldest person here getting text messages, CONSTANTLY!
The girl with the pink flip-flops. She’s been on her laptop this whole time but with how she’s sitting, I can’t tell what she’s doing. Typing a lot and smiling. She has rather dramatic eye make up for the casual way she’s dressed. Love the black flip-flops with the bright pink bow/flower – it covers almost the whole top of her feet. Her toenails are painted blue.
Mini skirt cowgirl. OMG! This one was fun to watch!! I’m not sure when she arrived because I think she just decided to go into the shop. One of the guys from the front counter went to get her and she first stood on the ‘proper’ side of the counter, talking to him about how the dealership has said that they have messed up her car but she KNOWS they would never do that. She edges around to the walk way, and the next time I look up, she’s on the employee side of the counter, standing pretty dang close to him. She’s been talking to him for about 30 mins. White button up shirt over a tank top, mini skirt and knee-high cowboy boots. She looks about my age or older. I’m curious to know more about what was going on with her car because when she was leaving, she called out for the guy to come check her tires and spent another 30 mins outside with the guy. Oh, and I did hear her give him her phone number but I’m sure it’s auto mechanically related.
Thunder fans. Two older people – a man & woman started talking about the Thunder when he asked if the paper in the chair next to her was hers or if he could read it. Guess his son has been to a few games and gave the season tickets to the next game to their babysitter since they weren’t able to use them. It was nice but the conversation dwindled down and now they’re sitting in silence again.
Trying to remind myself “Depression is a Lying Bastard”
I’ve started to post on Twitter but I delete before I send. I hate feeling this way and I really hate sharing when I feel this way with others.
I don’t want to burden anyone else.
This is MY problem and I’ll deal with it.
I can’t say why I’m depressed so please quit asking me what’s wrong.
Also please quit asking “What I can do to make it better?” Do you think if I knew I would feel this way?
I can’t explain these feelings to “normal” people because they just don’t understand. Depression isn’t like a light switch you can flip on or off.
If I could “just be happy” I would, trust me.
Wednesday & Art Classes
For the last 2 weeks I have felt like it was Thursday when it was only Wednesday. Which made Thursday feel like it should be Friday, but I knew it wasn’t and just make the week crazy long.
Finally today felt like Wednesday and tomorrow will be CRAZY busy!! Giving blood before work, Thurs staff meeting, lecture at lunch on cycling 101, then an Abstract Art “party” straight after work for about 3 hours. I’m hoping the day goes by quickly, I’m steady busy with stuff to do (which I should be since we start the payroll process again tomorrow) and the classes & lectures are enjoyable.
I’m really curious about the art party though. I have signed up for Still Life party in a few more weeks. Abstract art is more interesting to me but I’d like to be able to at least feel confident in my still life work. Since the art class I took in college, I’ve avoided realism of all types. It’s one of those cases where my art instructor did more to hurt than help. I think a lot adults who return to art have similar stories. But 23 years later, I’m not looking to please an instructor or pass a class for credit. I’m making art for MYSELF. If someone else thinks its cool, or complements me on a piece, that’s just icing on the cake.
Wash Rinse Repeat
I have a reminder on my phone to update my blog every 2 days. I’ve ignored the last week’s worth of reminders because I honestly have nothing to write about. My life is as dull as it can get. I go to work, come home, clean house, go to bed. Day in and day out.
It’s not that there’s a lack of events in my town. The Norman Music Festival and the OKC Arts Festival were this weekend but I didn’t go to either. I lounged around yesterday, after sleeping 12 hours, tempted to take a nap 4pm out of sheer boredom. I have tons of laundry, housework, cleaning, organizing I could do… but why bother. I could spend a weekend cleaning and by Wednesday, it would be a mess again.
I really hate being in this mood. The apathy is horrendous.
Anxiety Sucks – NAMIWALK OKC
Last week at work I got an email about joining my company’s team for NAMI Walk. I had decided to do this walk earlier in the year because I’ve finally accepted the fact that anxiety and depression are a part of who I am.
As a child, I would get stomach aches before any big event. I remember my mom taking me to Dr. Denton and he would ask me if I wanted to go to McDonald’s. I remember being told I have a ‘nervous stomach’ (which while reading Jenny Lawson’s book “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened”, her mom told her the same thing) and it never goes away.
The anxiety eventually led to depression. I knew my phobia about going someplace unfamiliar was unfounded. Other people saw it as an adventure, the opportunity to experience new things, new places, and new faces. It causes me terror. I couldn’t explain why, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what bothered me (besides the million catastrophic “what if” scenarios that would play through my head). I became depressed, which causes more anxiety, which caused more depression. Negative Self-Talk was Queen of my Brain and it wasn’t until I finally went to a therapist and was on Zoloft for a while that I was able to dethrone and exile the NST Queen to the outer edges of my mind. She’s still there, and I hear her occasionally but not nearly as loud.
But her sister “What If” does still plague my brain. What if I get into a wreck on my way to work? What if I’m stuck in traffic if someone else has wrecked? What if something happens to my kids when they’re walking home from school? What if they miss the bus in the morning? What if the house is broken into? What if there’s a tornado and destroys everything. What if something happens to David?
I could go on and on…..
I’m still working on her because usually, the scenarios that play in my brain are a million times worse than what has ever happened in real life. Even watching movies, I have to be careful with what I see. Even if they don’t show blood & gore my mind will fill in the details more graphically than anything that would appear on the silver screen.
As I said I’ve finally accepted that my anxiety is a part of who I am, although it has taken 42 years to accept it and realize other people feel the same way. The Bloggess, Jenny Lawson, has been a huge inspiration to me on that aspect. She’s on a book tour now – a BOOK TOUR!! Knowing my terror at the prospect of something like that and knowing that she suffers from severe anxiety, she’s like a freakin’ superhero to me! With stuffed animals. Not like Care Bears, but REAL dead stuffed animals. I love her.
Sooo… back to NAMIWALKS. Please help me by donating on my walker page. I know, I KNOW, people suffer in silence, afraid to admit they think differently than others. They try to appear normal while inside, their stomachs are in knots, their minds are talking a bunch of bullshit (depression is a lying bastard) and they’re plastering on a smile and trying to go through their day. NAMI is working to remove the stigma that surrounds mental illness and everyone deserves help.
To donate go to HERE
I ran a 5k with Three Little Birds
I really tried to talk myself out of it! I was ready to just go with David to pick Michael up from Grandma’s. I knew I had to face my fear (module 14 from A Year with Myself that I decided to read at this same time!). I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as I was making it out to be.
And really it wasn’t.
My chip time was 48:10, and my pace was 9:38. I walked most of the 5k, which is what I had expected to do.
I didn’t expect to have the Texas Hammer hit me though. Coming around one of the sides of the neighborhood we were running in, I heard these guys jamming to Three Little Birds.
What hit home is that a few weeks ago when I was stressing about my job transfer, finding where I should park etc, we did a dry run of my morning commute and when I mentioned how stressed I was about it, Michael started singing the same song.
So I’m taking this is a Big Ol’ Sign from Above and adopting it as my “Anti-Stress Song”.
Tornados and a 5K
I’ve been glued to the TV, Twitter and the Weatherbug app on my phone for the last 24 hours. We’re being attacked by the Tornado horde, which has decided to raid & pillage numerous states over the Friday the 13th weekend. Not even Omaha is safe!?!
Snowmageddon, Thundersnow, Quakenados, months of 100+ temps and drought and a nearly non-existent winter …. Gotta love Oklahoma. Or maybe the Mayans were onto something.
Tomorrow, if I’m not blown away to Oz tonight, I’ll be running from zombies tomorrow. Well, imaginary zombies of my own design. In a moment of delusion I signed up for the Red Bud Classic. The 5k will be held tomorrow. I haven’t run since…. February? Maybe once in March. I had planned to do the C25k program again and I had 5-6 weeks from the time I decided to register for this race. Then I got busy, I got lazy, I found other things to do, like watch repeats of Big Bang Theory nightly. And now I’m looking at a 5k in 19 hours.
I ditched the Race for the Cure when I HAD been doing a running program back in the fall. I could ditch this one and pay back my company for the registration fee. But…. I’m also trying to finish these scary things I start. I can walk a 5k easily, no one says I HAVE to run. Of course I’ll run some, there’s no other way to play the “run from zombies” game.
Well, now I can check off the “update blog” thing on Astrid and make the octopus go away. I’m going to try to update this every few days. I started culling blogs that hadn’t updated within a month or so from my reader and thought “wow, and here I am, not consistent with my blog” So that’ll change, or that’s the plan at any rate. Maybe I’ll have some profound things to share, I’ll keep with my art stuff when I get around to making another new (note to self: add “Make Art” to astrid list) and I’ll let ya know how my 5K adventure goes tomorrow.
If you’re in OK, KS or NE – stay safe tonight. I’m not sure where else this LSD tornado thing is supposed to it hit… PSD? Whatever it’s called… don’t go out to video tape it, find shelter and live.
I’ve found my niche
I started my new job Monday. I am totally loving it! The days have flown by and it may be because it’s all still new to me and I’m trying to take in as much as possible, but I really think I’m going to enjoy it. I work in payroll (and have for the last 6 years) but now I’m really getting hands on and learning the nitty-gritty of it, rather than just time entry/data entry aspects. I’m so excited about it.
I had been stressing about the drive, traffic and parking. So far it’s been a non-issue. Traffic driving home is much worse but still not horrid. Just a lot of stop & go traffic because of lights. Not a big deal at all.
Now I am feeling more like myself, I’m looking forward to getting back into art journalling, painting, sketching! Pictures to come of course.
Staycation, Geocaching & Squirrel
I’m on vacation this week, and I’ve discovered while I still dream of being a stay at home mom again, I’m pretty bored and spend most of my day watching TV and eating. I don’t want to get a major project started and not have it finished before I return to work on Monday and really, I’m trying to relax. I don’t want to spend my week off doing more work around the house. Maybe I’d have a different mindset if I were a stay at home mom again. I had routines then. Taking care of the house & children WAS my job (it still is of course, but now the time for it is cut dramatically).
So I’ll be ready to go back to work and the job transfer that will take place 4/2 (if things are still on schedule)
But I have discovered geocaching this week. There’s a heath & fitness group my dance sisters have started and it was mentioned going to a local nature area for our Sunday workout and my instructor has a GPS for geocaching if we wanted to treasure hunt while we were there. I’ve heard of geocaching, never really knew much about it so since I have all this unlimited free time, I searched & discovered www.geocaching.com I signed up, first for a free membership but after looking at the prices of the cool new GPS’s where you can download cache coordinates, I upped it to a premium membership & paid for the android phone app (40.00 spent, saved $90.00). Although the fancy GPS would be cool – my birthday is coming up.
So Monkey & I after trying to go to the zoo (NO PARKING available, so we left, and I was very disappointed) we stopped by my favorite teahouse for an iced tea & cookie. I did a search of “Find Nearby Caches” and there was one within walking distance of the teahouse!! So we wandered around, my phone & pen in hand (it was a microcache) and discovered the area it was located. Monkey is the one who did the actual finding though. I signed the log and entered that we found it on the phone app. My first find!! I’m now ready to go search for some more but really want my boys to be involved too. I have made an offline list of those closest to the house and there is one a mile away I really want to go to look for!! When The Engineer gets home, I’ll see if he wants to hunt for it with me. It would be a nice after dinner walk.
I haven’t seen Robin at the window in a while. There are now more robins in the neighborhood so I figure she/he’s found some friends and is doing normal robin things. We now have a squirrel. I had moved one of the cylindrical bird feeders to a hook that was by the window, where I had wind chimes before. I discovered the bird feeder on the ground, and the hook missing so I put the feeder on the wrought iron ground stake hook (where Robin would hang out). Squirrel has been pilfering the feeder and yesterday I watched her for 10 mins while she hung upside down from the hook and got her fill of $22.00 a bag premium birdseed. It was obviously a she (unless boy squirrels also have rows of nipples) so I shooed her off the bird feeder and set some seeds out on the fence post for her. I’ll eventually buy a squirrel feeder & ears of corn for her.
I did get some photos of her while she was eating the fencepost seeds, and decided I’d name her Suzette.
