Category Archives: Anxiety Attack
Getting Overtired – Stress Trigger
Last week I was edgy. I had that open nerve feeling again… Things my son said hurt me more than they would normally, his attitude and action really getting on my nerves.
After dealing with as much of it as I could, I hid myself away in the bedroom. I lay down for a while and silently cried. Then it dawned on me… I’m tired. I’m wore out, exhausted and every sensation has been magnified a thousand times over.
I’ll admit, I do like to sleep. I use taking a nap or going to bed early as an escape. An escape from teenage angst, of a cluttered house I can’t manage to keep tidy, to escape the laundry piling up over the top of the hamper although I swear I just did 3 loads yesterday!
But with as much as I sleep, I rarely feel well rested. This past week even less so with the added exercise I’ve started to do.
I’m trying to find ways to rest, recuperate, even if I’m not able to take a nap (and honestly, trying to cut out much of time “sleep to escape” habit)
- Resting in a hot bubble bath is top of the list at the moment!
- When the weather warms up I’ll spend time lounging in my hammock, watching birds and clouds.
- Massage – the local massage academy offers 1 hour massage for $34.00.
- Painting. I tend to forget about how relaxing painting can be until I’m working on a piece and I have to stop because I’m getting drowsy. Or maybe I need to paint more energetically!
- Reading – a good laugh out loud book like something by Christopher Moore or Jenny “The Bloggess” Lawson’s “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” as soon as it comes out in April. I don’t know for certain if Jenny’s book will be laugh out loud, but from reading her blog & tweets, I’m pretty sure it will be!
- Walking – even a short trip around the block does wonders for a negative attitude.
I’m trying to avoid mindless ‘empty’ activities such as watching TV or playing video games.
Pinpointing the funkiness
It’s been awhile since I felt like a normal human being but I’m finally back. In an email conversation with a friend I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. With this moment will hopefully come some major changes in my life. I don’t want to go into detail at this moment, because I’m waiting to see what unfolds. But having at least recognized why the hell I’ve been so depressed for the last 3 months, I’m starting to feel better. If things don’t unfold the way I’m hoping, I have a starting point to see what other changes could happen. That’s a nice feeling.
I ordered Goddess Leonie’s book 73 Lessons Every Goddess Must Know and it came in Tuesday. About a day before my ah-ha moment, and when I was reading through it I was struck by the sections with “You have permission…..” I think it’s easy for us to set back and let life happen to us. We feel like we have no control. To be told I have permission to do what I need to do, what I want to do, it made me realize I don’t have to settle for the lot I’m given in life. I can MAKE my life, and I can RE-MAKE it if I want. I don’t have to let things happen to me, I can make things happen.
Now I’m trying to find a balance. Art, work, being a mom, writing… I don’t want give up any one thing at the expense of the others (art and writing tend to take a back burner ALL THE TIME). I’m going to make time for what I want to do. I’ll look at the things I need to do as an opportunity and if it’s something that I don’t want or need to do, it can go.
Unfortunately I need to change the cat litter right now….
I’m a Runner Week 8
This will be the last of my running adventures weekly updates. I only ran once this week and it was kind of lame (although the day isn’t over yet, I could still get out there this afternoon – you’ll have to follow my Twitter feed for CardioTrainer updates on my runs). My one run this week came after wearing boots with 3″ heels all day. It hurt my feet when I took the boots off, I don’t know what possessed me to try run after that! I think I only managed 1.5 miles in 20 or so minutes. I mostly walked it, but I did run what I could. Funny how even the same route on different days can vary so much.
I’ve also decided not to run in Race for the Cure. I appreciate the encouraging comments & messages but this goes beyond rational thinking. Anxiety sucks. The anxiety I have being in a crowd, coupled with the anxiety of being semi-downtown, tripled with the anxiety of driving to a place I’m unfamiliar with means Deina will hide in a corner and cry. I’ve googled “Oklahoma City 5k” and there are a few more coming up in the area, so I’ll start small(er). I do enjoy running. I enjoy being outside. I enjoy moving. It just may take a while to build up to something as large as Race for the Cure.
And really.. that’s a goal I’m going to work on in 2012.
Freak out!!
I’m taking a deep breath. I have to calm down. The reality of my husband’s job lost hit hard this evening as I was paying bills for the week and looking at the ‘cash flow’ forecast. Then I’m told that his last check will be mailed, not direct deposited as I had expected. Time for some major rescheduling of online bill payments. BREATHE!
I keep telling myself things WILL work out. He’s had an interview that looks very promising and there’s a lot of jobs out there he can apply for. Apply is one thing, procuring a whole other story. But one day at a time. Right now we’re okay. We’ll need to cut back, but with the severance pay, we’ll be okay for a month or so.
I can’t help but wonder if other people who lost their jobs in what, 2009 or so had the same thought. It’ll work out; I’ll find a better job; We can make it for a while on what we have. Only to find that the unemployment dragged on month after month, companies weren’t hiring, more layoffs continued and there was no silver lining on that particular grey cloud.
Hope for the best but expect the worst. That’s an oxymoron to me. I’m not all into the “law of attraction” stuff but I have experienced lighter hearted people tend to be happier, more joyful. Finding pleasure in the smallest things. Negativity breeds negativity. I don’t want to be negative about this situation in our lives.
I think I’ll light some incense, take a warm bath and read a bit in Everyday Matters by Danny Gregory
Flow…..
